True, hard things

This falls into the 80% of my life that I can’t really talk about, but there are aspects of the situation that I can reveal. Today, I had to make the decision to do something that according to my University Supervisor most counselors will never do during the entire time that they practice. I made the decision based on the welfare of a person who is barely more than a child and whose family was making no effort to take appropriate steps to help them. Since Monday, when I first found out about the problem, I have worried and tried to convince the family to do what is best. Today, I could wait no longer and truly regretted that I had not acted sooner.

The true, hard things are that I feel guilty like I could have done more, that I should have done more. The hours that I spent awake staring at the ceiling, my mind piecing together disparate information that finally made sense is useless at this time. What I now understand may have helped the last time that I saw this individual, but the pieces were too small and scattered at the time. In all honesty, it wouldn’t have helped at that time. It would have helped over time, during treatment. I know that it is irrational to blame myself, to feel guilty, to believe that if I had seen things sooner that things might have been different, but here we are.

May the cross of the Son of God,
which is mightier than all the hosts of Satan
and more glorious than all the hosts of heaven,
abide with you in your going out and in your coming in.
By day and by night, at morning and at evening,
at all times and in all places may it protect and defend you.
From the wrath of evildoers, from the assaults of evil spirits,
from foes visible and invisible, from the snares of the devil,
from all passions that beguile the soul and body:
may it guard, protect and deliver you.

  • Church of England, Prayer for Protection and Peace

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