“I’m not sure you should be left with children, I’m not sure I should be left with children and I’m far more responsible than you.” – To a friend who was going to babysit her niece and nephew for the weekend. She pointed out that I had children, and I said that was my point exactly.
“It’s a person of indistinct gender.That’s perfectly fine, but I can’t tell who they are on the schedule.” – At work
“A random human being just got out of a truck. I have no idea where they went.” – At work
“And then there was that.” – Numerous times, usually after someone does something completely confounding.